


imperfect timing

by Jaye_nim



Series: The promise [3]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cliffhangers, M/M, Sad Ending, all mentors are cameos, chinese teacher as chinese teacher, i messed up the age difference, i'm sorry ziyi, jackson wang as waiter at papillon cafe, li ronghao as counselor, mc jin as the owner of old jin hotpot and justin's uncle, same age ziyi and linong and chengcheng, xukun is too nice, zhang yixing as school doctor, zhengting is the third wheel, zhou jieqiong as care home owner, ziyi and chengcheng are exes, ziyi and justin? so new, ziyi as the player, ziyi with who at the end?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21936448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaye_nim/pseuds/Jaye_nim
Summary: where ziyi chases xukun to tell him the truth to what really happened back then. He found out xukun has zhengting by his side, and that he won't listen to ziyi. In the end will ziyi be with xukun?Also ziyi's view on what REALLY happened to him when he was GONE from xukun's life.
Relationships: Cai Xukun/Wang Ziyi, Cai Xukun/Zhu Zhengting | Jung Jung, Fan Chengcheng/Wang Ziyi, Wang Ziyi/Huang Minghao | Justin, Wang Ziyi/Zhu Zhengting | Jung Jung
Series: The promise [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1218039
Kudos: 4





	imperfect timing

**Author's Note:**

> Shit. 5 days, no, 4 days before last chapters published date hits ONE YEAR. I'm so slow for Ziyi's sake. I'm sorry, baby. You deserved better. And that's probably why more words for him (yay).
> 
> Mentors as cameos in this story, because they deserve more. I also revived justin in this story because he didn't get much say last time. And that's just too sad.
> 
> spoiler: it's not a happy ending.
> 
> AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE. Hope you have a good one. (unlike me).

April 2006

At the age of ten, ziyi moves with his parents. They used to live in the shores of Guangzhou. But since Mr wang was promoted in his work, they are able to move to the outskirts of the city.

However ziyi feels more disappointed than happy. He has lived his whole life at the shore, he can't just leave the place. There are a lot of memories he wanted to keep. Especially the ones with his best buddy, cai xukun.

But the move still happened nonetheless, since he has no word in it. And before he knows it, ziyi finds himself enrolling into a new school and trying to make new friends. He has none in his new school though, since he's a quiet person and he prefers being approached first.

Ziyi's lonely days lasts not longer than a couple of months. He was expecting to spend his first semester alone. But ever so suddenly, a boy approaches him during chemistry class.

Ziyi was taken aback when the boy sits beside him, greeting him first with a full smile. Ziyi replies with half a smile and a simple nod to acknowledge him.

"Hi, you're new right? I heard you just moved this semester." The boy whispers to ziyi.

A little bit taken aback with the sudden conversation, ziyi keeps his reply short. "Yes. I'm new."

But it doesn't stop the other from speaking to him. "Well, nice to meet you. I'm chen linong. You can call me nongnong.” The boy extends a hand for ziyi to shake.

“Uh, hi, linong. I’m wang ziyi.” Ziyi replies, rather awkwardly. The two then shake hands.

“I really wanted to talk to you sooner, but you know the people here. They chain you down with this thing called ‘friend circle’." The boy continuously rants without minding the other students.

Most of the class is looking at them judgingly, some even starts to whisper loudly. Ziyi shrinks in seat. He is definitely uncomfortable with the sudden attention. And a bad one makes it worse. But linong doesn’t seem to mind them at all, so ziyi straightens his posture confidently.

And he thought that was it - end of interaction. Oh, how wrong he was. Linong does the same on their next class together, which was music. By this time, ziyi is comfortable enough to respond to his random talks.

"I hate music class. Don't you? I still don't get why the teacher always pairs us up and makes us perform some goddamn stupid classical songs." Linong complains from behind his music book.

"I actually haven't decided yet if I hate this class or not. I've only been here for a while, you see." Ziyi whispers back.

Linong bobs his head. "Of course. Take your time. Then tell me later if you've decided to hate it too."

And that's when ziyi decides, he likes the boy. He's friendly. A little too much at that. But that's okay. And the way he always keeps a smile on his face when he talks, ziyi likes that a lot.

"You do notice that the teacher has his eyes on you all along, right?" Another boy turns from his seat to warn linong.

"Why do you care anyway, cheng? You've been sneaking snacks the whole lesson yourself anyway." Linong fakes a glare at his friend.

"Don't you diss my foods!" Chengcheng pouts. He then faces ziyi before eyeing him. "What's your name, new being?"

Ziyi almost fell from his seat hearing the words leave chengcheng's lips. "The name is wang ziyi, for your information." Ziyi answers.

"Hi, ziyi. I'm chengcheng, if you haven't known yet. Since nongnong says you're good looking, we should add you to our circle of friends. Let's get along well." Chengcheng offers his hand.

Ziyi takes chengcheng’s hand in his. "So, how many friends are there in the circle?"

"Just me and him." Chengcheng replies with a smile. "And now you too."

Ziyi finds himself smiling back. He thinks chengcheng is dumb. A good kind of dumb. And he likes the boy already.

In the end, ziyi's first semester in the new school doesn't end up like what he imagined at all. He's got two new friends who befriends him like he's one of them from the start. And by then, he's forgotten all about home and his childhood best friend.

\---

May 2009

"Fan chengcheng! Who told you to sneak foods in class?" The Chinese teacher throws a book towards the said boy.

Chengcheng lifts his head, still chewing the last bits of Cheetos. He takes a good look around the room. Everyone is googling at him, of course. Chengcheng shrugs, before returning to his previous position to take another mouthful.

“Stop eating! Who says you can eat in class?” Ms. cheng rages. The whole class falls silent. Except for chengcheng’s chewing.

“But I was hungry. And lunch is like a million years away. What if I starve to death?” chengcheng protests, definitely exaggerating his expression.

Ms. cheng shakes his head. She points to the door. "Detention. Now."

Chengcheng grabs the Cheetos bag as he stands from his seat. “Oh no, you don’t. I’ll be confiscating these.” The teacher walks over to him and takes the bag away.

A few seconds pass before chengcheng sighs. He leaves the room annoyed. Ms. cheng glares at the door even after the boy has left. She shakes her head before turning to ziyi and linong, who are known as chengcheng’s best friends.

“I’m warning you two. If your friend does that again, I’m going to punish the two of you too.” Ms. cheng shows no mercy as she threats ziyi an linong.

The two just stares back at her, their expression blank. The teacher shakes her head once again, writing something on her notes. Probably a reminder to call their parents after school.

The lesson continues with the teacher's voice filling the silent room. Ziyi doesn't have time to pay attention to class, as his mind is elsewhere. It's only a few weeks before the exams and chengcheng is being as lazy as ever. Being in detention doesn't help much, as Mrs. Fan would probably kill the boy.

"Chengcheng must be out of his mind to eat during class. We only have a few days before the exams. I heard the second years has the hardest set of questions." Ziyi whispers to linong.

"Wait, does it mean that he's been insane for the past two years of middle school? Oh, you're right, he is." Linong shrugs, continuing to doodle on his textbook.

"That's kind of true. But that's not the point." Ziyi continues to discuss about chengcheng. "Hasn't he learned his lesson? His mom would flip every time the school calls her."

Linong turns to ziyi. “Haven’t you learnt? First off, chengcheng doesn’t learn. And second, he doesn’t give a shit for other things except food.”

“I guess you’re right.” Ziyi mumbles in defeat.

"He's fan chengcheng for a reason. What kind of chengcheng would pay attention in class and actually trying to be active? Definitely not our chengcheng." Linong replies.

Ziyi was about to give his opinion, but the teacher was eyeing them. So he kept his words to himself. 'Yeah. Definitely not my chengcheng.'

“And why do you care so much about him anyway? It’s not something new. Chengcheng will most likely find some other food before heading to detention. And then get grounded by his parents when he gets home.” Linong continues to speak, not minding the teacher’s stares.

Hearing linong’s words, ziyi thinks to himself. Why does he even care? It’s not like chengcheng would be overly grateful to him or anything. But why does ziyi always find himself thinking of the other? Why does ziyi always find himself caring for the other?

His train of thoughts is interrupted by their teacher, who is currently approaching their table with a smile which is a little too wide to be considered polite.

“Chen linong, mind sharing what you were saying with the whole class?” Ms. cheng sarcastically invites him to stand up.

Linong, on the other hand, seems pleased instead. “Sure thing, Ms. cheng.” He stands from his seat before repeating what he just told ziyi.

“Such great friends you two are. You know what’s even better? Accompanying him in detention.” Ms. cheng’s smile grows.

“You know Ms. cheng, my father is still one of the successor of this school. You can go ahead and do what you want, and I can do what I want. How does that sound?” Linong’s smile doesn’t falter as he speaks. He’s winning and he knows it. Perks of having rich parents.

Knowing well she’s lost, the teachers clears her throat and tells linong to sit down. The class continues on with a few students giggling, but Ms. cheng can’t do anything about it. Indeed, linong’s words haunts her.

\---

Because ziyi has his mind preoccupied by chengcheng the whole day, he thinks it's a good idea to take a peek at the detention room before heading home. At first, he wanted to take linong with him, but the latter had extra lessons with a bunch of other students. So that leaves ziyi with himself.

Luckily, the school was getting less crowded after the last class. So ziyi had little trouble going to where his friend was, the detention room. The only obstacle would be Mr. Wu, the counsellor. He usually takes his time hanging around detention, just to look good when the principal checks the CCTV.

As ziyi approaches detention, he finds the room unusually lifeless. There was no sign of Mr. Wu, let alone finding chengcheng. Ziyi opens the door wider to take a good look inside the room, only to find fan chengcheng sleeping on a piece of paper. The boy was holding a pocky in his hand instead of the pen.

‘Cute.’ Ziyi thought, a smile carved on his face.

As much as he wants to wake chengcheng up so they can go home, ziyi can’t help but admire the boy in front of him. Ziyi takes a seat in front of chengcheng before resting both elbows on the desk to support his face. He didn’t know what feeling it was, but he likes it. The feeling of warmth spreading all over his chest and butterflies in his stomach.

Ziyi reaches a hand to brush chengcheng’s hair. His hands entangles themselves between chengcheng’s locks. It felt just right.

A sudden bang from the door shocks them. Chengcheng jolts awake, pretending to write with the pocky. Ziyi awkwardly has his hand hanging mid-air. The cause of the commotion was no other than Mr. li, who then clears his throat to get his students’ attention.

“What are you two doing here? Class was dismissed 30 minutes ago!” Mr. li grumpily eyes the two.

“Oh, I was just trying to finish the essay you told me to do.” Chengcheng reasons, showing off the drool stained paper. Only then does he realize the pocky, hiding it behind his back. Chengcheng sheepishly smiles.

“Just take those home. Never mind about your punishment. Now go.” Mr. li shakes his head at his students before leaving to get his own things.

Ziyi turns to chengcheng. “Let’s go?” he points to the door with his face.

Chengcheng nods as a reply. He got his things and follows ziyi short, not wanting to get into more trouble.

The two quietly walk side by side as they exit the school grounds. Their hands occasionally brush with one another as they make their way home. They stay quiet for a while. Only chengcheng’s occasional humming and their footsteps fills the air. But ziyi doesn’t mind. He just likes being with the other, no matter the circumstances.

“Want to grab some ice cream before heading home? I don’t feel like studying today.” Chengcheng stops in his tracks as a mart is in view.

Ziyi agrees, like he always does whenever chengcheng suggests something. “I’ll get us something. You can stay here and keep an eye on the seat.” Ziyi tells the younger of the two.

“Can I get the mango one?” chengcheng points at the mango flavoured ice cream in the picture.

Ziyi gets a mango flavoured popsicle for chengcheng and grabs a chocolate one for himself. The place was quite deserted, in contrast with the usual loud noises made by students queuing to pay their foods. Ziyi shrugs, at least he doesn’t have to get in line. Then he returns to where the other was waiting, to be greeted with a smile from chengcheng.

“Thanks,” chengcheng mumbles, impatient to taste the sweetness of his popsicle.

“Take it slow, no one’s going to take them away.” Ziyi laughs at his best friend.

Chengcheng pouts. “I was hungry.”

“You should’ve said so. We can have lamian at my place.” Ziyi shakes his head at chengcheng’s dumb idea to eat ice cream instead.

“Can we do that?” chengcheng’s hopeful eyes locks with ziyi’s.

“Yes! Come on now, it’s getting late.” Ziyi grabs his bag and stands up.

After making sure chengcheng is ready, ziyi leads the way to his place. The two arrive soon after, as ziyi’s house was near the school. They soon found out that they have the whole house all to themselves. Ziyi’s parents are by no doubt still at work, just like how he expects them to be.

After taking off their shoes, ziyi welcomes chengcheng into the empty house. Ziyi leads them to his bedroom first, so they can put their stuff before heading to the kitchen to cook themselves some lamian.

“Your house is nice. I like it.” Chengcheng comments after putting his bag away.

Ziyi puts his bag under his desk. “Thanks. It’s been exactly like this since when we moved in.”

“You should come over to my place too sometimes. When I’m not grounded.” Chengcheng comments.

“Should I cook the lamian now? You said you were quite hungry.” Ziyi offers, opening the door wider for them to exit the room.

“Yes, please. Make mine extra spicy too.” Chengcheng follows his friend out of his room.

Ziyi then tells chengcheng to wait at their common room, before heading straight to the kitchen. “You can sit at the sofa. Make yourself at home, cheng.” Ziyi says behind the bar.

“Sure thing.” Chengcheng plops himself on the soft sofa, turning the tv on to a channel he prefers.

Ziyi returns with two bowls of steaming lamian and half boiled eggs for them to enjoy. Chengcheng clasps his hands together the second his eyes sees the bowls. As soon as ziyi puts them on the table, chengcheng digs in.

“That’s hot.” Chengcheng mumbles as he uses his hand to fan the noodles in his mouth.

“I was just done cooking them. You should let them cool off for a few seconds before devouring them like you haven’t eaten for days.” Ziyi laughs at chengcheng’s dumb act.

‘’I told you I was hungry. I could eat an elephant for all I know.” Chengcheng replies, his eyes not leaving the bowl in front of him.

Ziyi shrugs. He takes the remote to change the channel. When the screen turns to his usual Chinese drama channel, ziyi stops. Of course, he can’t miss his favourite daily drama.

“You watch Chinese drama? That was unexpected.” Chengcheng laughs, watching ziyi getting immersed into the show.

“Do you mind? I watch dramas because they’re beautiful.” Ziyi turns to chengcheng.

Chengcheng nods. “What’s pretty? The actresses?” this time, a smirk appears on chengcheng’s face. But it was soon replaced with a frown.

“The actors.” Ziyi speaks of it so casually, as if it’s normal for a boy to call another from the same gender beautiful.

Chengcheng almost chokes on his noodles. “Did I hear you right? Did you just say the actors were beautiful?” he repeats ziyi’s words to make sure.

This time it’s ziyi who is looking at chengcheng strangely. “Yes, the main actor is really beautiful. Don’t you think?”

“No offence or anything. But you are straight, no?” chengcheng tries his best not to seem disgusted, or homophobic even.

Ziyi’s eyes darts towards chengcheng in an instant. They lock eyes for a couple of minutes, looking at one another. Ziyi watches as the other smacks his lips nervously. He can’t believe that even when he’s nervous, chengcheng still looks as beautiful as ever. And that’s when he realizes, he likes fan chengcheng. A lot more than he thinks.

Just as chengcheng was about to move from his position, ziyi pulls him by the arm. “I think, I might be gay for you, fan chengcheng.” Ziyi whispers rght to chengcheng’s face.

Chengcheng looks away from ziyi’s fixed gaze, his lips trembled upon hearing ziyi’s unexpected confession. “I- I don’t know what to say. This is insane.” Chengcheng tries to laugh it off.

Ziyi, however, gulps. He finds chengcheng more attractive this way. Flustered at his words, eyes lost their focus, unable to speak.

“You don’t know how beautiful you are in my eyes.” Ziyi whipers, his hand reaching for chengcheng’s face.

“Don’t joke around. This isn’t funny.” Chengcheng tries to put space between them by putting a hand on Ziyi’s shoulder.

ZIyi sighs. “I’m serious, okay. I find you attractive. But if you don’t like me back, it’s fine.” Ziyi reaches for chengcheng’s face still. But the latter doesn’t stop him this time.

Ziyi looks for any signs of rejection in chengcheng’s eyes, but he finds none. It’s as if the latter has always wanted this too, all along. Once again, the two lock eyes in silence. Both speechless at the current situation.

That’s when ziyi charges forward. His butt leaves the warm space it was occupying, sliding closer to chengcheng. Unconsciously, chengcheng’s hand moves from ziyi’s shoulder, down to his chest. This becomes a signal for ziyi to lift chengcheng and place the younger on his lap. The two doesn’t dare to break eye contact. Afraid if they do, it’ll be all over.

Without hesitation, ziyi pulls the younger by his neck, connecting their lips. It was slow-paced at first, ziyi softly tasting the other. But chengcheng suddenly tangles his fingers on ziyi’s locks and pulls him closer. Ziyi tries to take the lead by licking chengcheng’s lips.

The two breaks apart to catch their breath, their forehead still touching. Ziyi plants soft kisses on chengcheng’s face. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks, before returning to his lips. Chengcheng kisses back, his tongue enters the elder’s cave. Not wanting to lose, ziyi slips a hand into chengcheng’s pants. His hand roams inside, making chengcheng’s breath hitch.

At this, chengcheng pulls away. For a second, ziyi follows his lips, trying to latch them back on his. But he opens his eyes. He scans the boy in front of him, trying to read his expression. Was it hatred, loathe or disgust? But a smirk appears instead.

“Were you that needy? You were really rushing things.” Chengcheng exhales onto his face.

Ziyi smiles. “I thought you hated it.” He whispers back.

“I’d love it more if we can continue.” Chengcheng returns the smile.

Ziyi grins as he and chengcheng stands up and the two go to his room. He closes the door tightly, even locking it in case someone might disturb them. The clock on his bedside table shows 5.30. It’s only a matter of time before his parents get home. They better get things done before playtime is over.

Without warning, ziyi pushes chengcheng onto his bed, his figure ghosting on top of the younger. The two smile into the kiss, as if they’re drunk in love. In five minutes time, both already discarded their last piece of clothing. They hid under the covers, voices muffled with pillows, as they experience the things that they have yet to discover.

\---

June 2009

This summer holiday, Ziyi would spend it at the Cai family’s place. Just as it always has been for the past three years. Of course, ziyi misses his little brother cai xukun. However, he can’t stop wishing he was with chengcheng instead.

After the sudden confession and the secret session together at ziyi’s place, he and chengcheng have been secretly dating. They have to keep their relationship to themselves, though, as they haven’t come out yet. The fear of being thrown away after telling his parents he’s gay was too much for Ziyi.

“Ziyi ge.” Xukun’s voice calls him as soon as he enters the house.

Ziyi smiles. “You’ve became manlier, cai xukun.”

“Of course. I’m a man after all.” Xukun frowns at ziyi’s words.

Ziyi opens his arms for xukun, but the latter only looks at him. “Are you going to leave me hanging or what?”

“Alright. Alright.” Xukun falls into ziyi’s embrace.

A content smile creeps to ziyi’s face. He doesn’t know why, but hugging xukun felt right too. He can’t be in love with two persons at the same time, can he? The thought of cheating on chengcheng makes him shake his head. No, Ziyi is in love with chengcheng. he’s just longing for physical contact, that’s all.

The two then take their time catching up on each other. They stroll down to the beach just as xukun suggests. Ziyi doesn’t think much about xukun’s plan, but he was definitely taken aback when they stop in front of an old tree. One that is all too familiar to ziyi.

“It’s the tree.” Ziyi mumbles as he marvels the tree.

“of course it is. It’s our tree, ge” xukun stands beside ziyi, a hand on the elder’s shoulder.

“no, I mean, it’s filled with hearts.” Ziyi once again states the fact.

Xukun smiles as he takes a folded paper heart in his hand. “Look, ge. This must be yours.” He shows ziyi the one he holds.

Ziyi stares at the folded paper. “Yeah, that’s definitely mine.” Ziyi’s eyes waters, the paper heart reminds him of his past with xukun.

“Here ge, read mine!” Xukun calls for ziyi’s attention.

Ziyi reads xukun’s wish on the heart. His heart swells. All these years, xukun has wished for ziyi to stay. But what can he do, it’s already decided that he can’t stay at the shore.

For another half an hour, ziyi spends his time reading all the hearts hanging on the tree. As he read the last piece, ziyi feels as if he’s returned to the past. As if he was still living here at the shore with xukun. And his heartbeat starts to increase. He’s out of his mind. He must be.

“Are you done yet? I’m getting bored here.” Xukun fakes a yawn to get ziyi’s attention.

But instead of apologizing for making xukun wait, ziyi smiles as he offers xukun a paper. “Hey, kun, let’s write our wishes for this year.”

“As you wish, wang ziyi.” Xukun takes the paper from ziyi and starts folding it.

The two have their backs on each other. They want to keep their paper hearts to themselves. For now at least, as they will probably read each other’s later after they hang them.

“What will you wish for, kun?” ziyi asks while they focus on folding their respective papers.

Xukun shrugs. “I don’t know yet. And it’s not like I will tell you, anyway.” He sticks out his tongue at ziyi.

Shaking his head, ziyi finishes his heart. “I’ll wish for your happiness. Just like how you wished for mine.”

“Who says I’ll wish for you to be happy? I’d rather have you suffer as long as you’re away from me.” Xukun smirks, teasing ziyi.

“You know it’s not my wish to go. I can’t help it.” Ziyi reminds xukun.

Xukun pouts. “I know. But I miss you. I wish you would stay here with me.”

Ziyi hangs his paper heart first. He then waits for xukun to hang his before the two head back to xukun’s place.

\---

One night, just before summer break is over, ziyi and xukun sits on the bed. They watch a movie on the TV xukun has in his room. Ziyi recommends them to watch a romance movie and xukun agrees too easily. Just like how he always says yes to every word ziyi says.

“Ge, I’m bored. Why are we watching this kind of movie, anyway?” xukun complains after an hour into the current movie.

“Just shut up and watch. Don’t ruin the feels for me.” Ziyi replies without taking his eyes off the TV.

“Are you in love, ge? Is that why you wanted to watch romance movies?” xukun teases ziyi, hoping the older would reply to his joke.

But ziyi still has his eyes glued to the screen in front of him. “Stop asking random questions, cai xukun.”

Xukun doesn’t dare to speak another word after being scolded. He tries to enjoy the movie as much as ziyi does, but fails. Only during the kissing scene does the movie gain xukun’s interest.

Ziyi turns his attention to xukun as he feels the bed shifting. A smile grows on ziyi’s lips as he watches xukun getting absorbed in the scene playing on TV. Ziyi lets xukun scoot closer to him. But he has to stop the younger as he feels a hand not his, resting on his thigh.

“Kun? What are you doing?” ziyi tries to catch the younger’s attention. But xukun doesn’t hear him, let alone blink his eyes his way.

Ziyi tries again. This time, poking xukun’s shoulder to make him notice. Only then does xukun turn to him, his expression blank.

“Uh, kun, I think it’s best if you could-” ziyi refers to their rather awkward position with his gaze.

Xukun follows his gaze. “Oh. O-oh, I’m sorry, ge. I must be out of my mind. I didn’t mean to do that. It’s an accident on my part.” Xukun rambles on to ease the heavy atmosphere.

The two doesn’t talk through the rest of the movie. They silently prepare themselves for bed and tries to drift off to sleep. However, no matter how hard they try, none could get a blink of sleep.

Xukun clears his throat. “ge, have you ever fell in love?” despite his attempt to clear his throat, xukun’s voice comes out hoarse.

Ziyi could feel his heart beat faster at the question. Has he been found out by xukun? It can’t be true. He was extra careful not to put his phone facing up on the table, he also made sure no one was around when he replies to chengcheng’s flirty texts, and he especially had to wait until past midnight to call chengcheng. Then how could xukun notice?

Ziyi concludes that he’s just being paranoid. He tries to stay calm and answer casually to his younger brother. “Of course. I mean, who hasn’t?”

“You loved someone? Who?” xukun’s shifts his position on the bed sideways so he can get a clearer view of ziyi, who is sleeping on the floor.

“You wouldn’t know even if I told you a name. let’s just say I liked them a lot.” Ziyi tries to escape from answering xukun’s answer.

“Fair enough.” Xukun nods, accepting defeat.

Ziyi counterattacks. “Are you in love, kun? Why are you interested in my love life all of a sudden.”

It takes xukun a long ten second before answering. “No! Of course not. It was just out of curiosity.”

“Your response says otherwise, though. But you don’t have to tell me or anything. You probably want to keep it private.” Ziyi teases xukun.

“Ge, I told you it’s not like that!” xukun fumes.

“Okay, okay. Xukun’s not in love.” Ziyi declares to no one in particular.

They stay silent for a while, before xukun speaks up again. “So did you kiss this person, ge? The one you liked.”

“Well, yeah. Who dates without kissing?” ziyi almost rolls his eyes.“Unless, if you’re not interested in being intimate and all.” He adds.

“I’m interested. Of course I like being touched. I mean, not that kind of way. But-” xukun’s reply comes out rushed.

Ziyi laughs after succeeding in teasing xukun. “Right. I was just teasing you.”

Xukun groans, but he doesn’t show any trace of annoyance. Instead, he stays silent for the next couple of minutes. Ziyi cranes his neck to take peek at the younger who is laying on the bed.

“Curious much?” xukun teases ziyi with closed eyes.

“Nah. I thought you fell asleep. I was just going to tell the story how I met this girl,” Ziyi trails at the last part.

Xukun sits up abruptly. “Tell me, ge. I’m all ears.”

Ziyi shakes his head. “Judging from your reaction just now, I changed my mind. Never mind, just pretend I never bring the matter up.” He then turns the other way.

Ziyi’s attitude doesn’t stop xukun, though. Xukun repeatedly pokes ziyi’s side with his toes. But ziyi doesn’t budge one bit, making his mind up to shut himself from the disturbance xukun gives him.

“Ziyi ge, tell me please? Please? Please?” xukun pokes harder, still gaining no reply.

“If you keep that up, you’ll most probably crack my ribs in half, cai xukun.” Ziyi mumbles with his back facing xukun.

Xukun admits defeat, for now. “You used tell me everything when we younger. We used to have no secrets between us. Look at us now, keeping secrets from each other.”

“You do know that people change, right? I changed, and so did you. We’re not the same as we used to be, kun” ziyi replies. This time he rolls to the other side to face xukun.

“what do you think changed, ge? What makes us think we changed?” xukun whispers.

Ziyi doesn’t answer instantly. He takes his time to give xukun a satisfying reply, so he can shut his mouth already and let ziyi sleep peacefully. However, ziyi couldn’t come up with a decent excuse.

“So you think you haven’t changed at all?” ziyi throws the question back to xukun.

Xukun shakes his head. “Except for the fact that my feelings changed, I guess I’m still the same. And did you change?”

“I think so. I used to like being alone, but not anymore. I didn’t even think I’ll ever find myself liking someone romantically.” Ziyi smiles slightly.

“So, are you going to tell me about this significant someone or not? I’m waiting, ge.” Xukun tries to use the chance to ask again.

“Nope, not a chance.” Ziyi keeps his stand even when xukun attacks unexpectedly.

“You’re no fun. I was going to make this a storytelling session between us. Just like how we used to do when we were younger. Hiding under the covers, laughing our asses off.” Xukun starts to reminisce their past.

“Whatever tricks you have up your sleeve, it’s not working. We’ve grown older, kun. Please learn to respect other’s privacy.” Ziyi shakes his head.

Just as ziyi is about to close his eyes, he feels a heavy weight fall on top of him all of a sudden. He can’t believe his eyes as he is now face to face with xukun, the younger pinning him on the floor.

“What do you think you’re doing? Get off me.” Ziyi demands. Xukun merely shakes his head, keeping his ground.

“Tell me. Who is this person daring to occupy your heart, hm?” xukun purposely breathes beside ziyi’s ears as he speaks.

“Cai xukun, I’m warning you. Get off me before I change my mind.” ZIyi’s threat definitely doesn’t work on xukun no more as the younger lowers his body, barely an inch above ziyi.

“You know, I find myself liking this someone. But this person doesn’t show any signs of reciprocating my feelings. What should I do, then?” xukun asks the elder.

Ziyi frowns. “You confess, of course. How would they know about this feelings if you never tell them.” Ziyi tells him as a matter of fact.

“I think I like you, wang ziyi. I know this sounds crazy, but I really like you a lot. I am more serious than you think. If you could just give me a shot, I’ll never make you regret.” Xukun lost his confidence bit by bit as he continues his words.

Upon hearing xukun’s confession, ziyi gulps. “I don’t think this is right. I’ll just pretend I never heard any of this.”

Ziyi watches xukun look away. He can only watch as xukun bit his lips, avoiding eye contact. It’s quite evident how xukun is trying hard to hold back his tears. For a second, ziyi almost wants to grant xukun’s wish. To give him a chance.

“Ge, am I selfish if I say I want to kiss you so bad right now?” xukun’s whisper is close to being inaudible, but ziyi hears it.

“What- kun,” only xukun’s name manages to escape ziyi’s lips.

Without warning, xukun attaches his lips on ziyi’s. The movements wasn’t of something demanding, but rather uncertain and desperate.

Ziyi doesn’t dare close his eyes. He doesn’t dare enjoy the moment. Yet he doesn’t push xukun away. As if he wanted this too.

Xukun suddenly pulls away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Ziyi shakes his head. “No. Kiss me, cai xukun. Kiss me breathless.” Ziyi takes the initiative to pull xukun by his neck.

Like a spell, ziyi’s words give encouragement for xukun to be braver. He tilts his head to deepen their kiss. He even dares to taste the elder’s lips.

This time, ziyi rolls them around so he’s on top of xukun. He nibbles on xukun’s top lip. He leaves pecks on xukun’s jaw, moving down to his neck. Ziyi doesn’t know why, but he can’t seem to get enough of the younger. He didn’t know he was craving for xukun until he tasted him.

Just as ziyi was about to insert his hand under xukun’s shirt, an image of chengcheng flashes through his mind for a second. This can’t be right. He doesn’t love xukun. He was just probably hungry to taste his lover again.

Ziyi removes himself from xukun. “Let’s not continue. We’re just probably in the heat of the moment. Besides, we don’t want your mom to find out, do we?”

“O-okay.” Xukun whispers. He avoids ziyi’s gaze for a while.

“It’s not your fault, kun. Don’t overthink and just go to sleep.” Ziyi reaches to stroke xukun’s hair.

“Please tell me it’s not a mistake. Tell me you didn’t regret this.” Xukun begs, looking at ziyi in the eye.

Ziyi smiles. “What are you talking about. I’d never say kissing you here was a mistake. You’re not a mistake, okay?”

Xukun nods his head. “Thanks, ge.”

“Now go to sleep. It’s past midnight.” Ziyi whispers to xukun’s ears.

“Only if you’d sleep with me on the bed.” Xukun stares at ziyi with pleading eyes.

Ziyi agrees to the request. He’ll just spoil xukun for now, and deal with it later. Ziyi must be out of his mind for wanting two men at the same time. He’s already got chengcheng, so why does he want a mere 11-year-old boy too?

February 2011

Ziyi’s first day at high school sucks. Although his two best friends, linong and chengcheng was with him, he couldn’t deny the fact that he hated high school already. Nothing goes well for him the whole day.

First thing in the morning, he fell from his bed. Then, as he went out of his cramped room, he slipped on a used sock. Even on the bus, on the way to school, he had to stand right beside the door where people came huddling in and out, bumping to him most of the time.

After arriving at school, ziyi thought his luck would get better, but he was proved wrong. During first period, he forgot to bring his book and had to be noticed by the teacher. Right after lunch, a girl crashed into him, spilling her half-filled bottle of hot water right on ziyi’s left arm. Ziyi had to stay at the hospital wing the rest of the afternoon, accompanied by the school doctor.

“Doctor zhang, I assure you, I’m fine.” Ziyi tries to change the doctor’s mind to let him get back to class. Of course, he hated listening to lectures, but he hated staying in bed more.

“Just for the rest of the day. Stay in bed for a couple more hours and it’s already the end of school.” Doctor zhang, the only school doctor, doesn’t get sway one bit with ziyi’s reasoning.

Ziyi gets out of bed. “Please, doctor zhang. I don’t like missing class.” He follows the doctor around the room, planning to annoy him.

His plan once again fails as doctor zhang only casts him a glance. “You can’t deceive me, wang ziyi. Even I, the top student, wished to skip class once in a while.”

“But doctor, it’s only the first day of school. Who would escape class on their first day?” ziyi stands right beside doctor wu, watching as the elder rearranges the medicine stock.

Doctor zhang looks at ziyi. “You, for example.”

Ziyi facepalms. This doctor is definitely clowning him. “Doctor, I seriously want to get back to class.”

“Forget class. Why don’t you help me out here. I heard you were quite interested in medical science during middle school?” the doctor hands ziyi a box filled with antibiotics.

Ziyi accepts the box, but stays still. “Who told you that? Surely not-”

Doctor zhang cuts him off. “I’m the school doctor, surely I can access every student’s health report.”

“Does health cards contain information on students’ interests? I don’t think so.” Ziyi eyes him suspiciously.

“Let’s just say I heard it somewhere. Now get to work.” Doctor zhang shoved another box towards ziyi.

Despite the doctor’s unconfirmed source of information, ziyi accepts that he can’t mean no harm. So ziyi shrugs it off and helps the doctor place the medicines in the right places.

Ziyi doesn’t realize he spent the rest of the school day helping out doctor wu. Of course that includes the free biscuits and tea he served him after they are done sorting things out. Ziyi only knows it’s time to go home when linong and chengcheng burst into the room, panting like crazy.

“Bro, you okay?” linong holds both of ziyi’s shoulder and eyes him from head to toe.

“I’m fine, nong. It was only a burn, it’s not like I was in a life and death situation.” Ziyi chuckles watching his overdramatic friend.

“Never mind the burn. Haven’t you heard, the doctor here is a pervert. He keeps students from getting back to class so he can check them out and all.” Linong shudders as he whispers the rumours he heard earlier that day.

“Ahem.” Doctor zhang fakes a cough. “I heard that.”

Both linong and chengcheng hide ziyi behind them instantly. Evidently trying to protect their friend from the so called pervert.

“You can see that your friend is safe and sound.” Doctor zhang points towards ziyi, shaking his head. “Kids these days. They trust rumours so easily.”

“Uh, I should get going. Thanks, doctor zhang.” Ziyi stands up to ease the awkwardness.

“Anytime, wang ziyi. Anytime.” Doctor zhang bobs his head.

Linong and chengcheng scamper after ziyi outside the room. Ziyi laughs at their absurd behaviour. The rumours are couldn’t be true, could it? It is called a rumour for a reason, after all.

\---

“How was your first day of school, ziyi?” a woman not older than 30 sits beside ziyi. Her question wakes him from his trance.

“Oh, sorry. It was so-so. Could’ve been better.” Ziyi answers truthfully, earning a frown from the woman.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Ms. zhou offers a smile.

“It’s not your fault, Ms. zhou. I was probably out of luck today.” Ziyi returns the smile half-heartedly.

Ziyi resumes to play with his cold bowl of soup and rice. He planned to have an early dinner to avoid the questions from his fellow housemates and the house owner. However he was in no mood to eat either, so he blanks out in the middle of his meal.

“Ziyi dear, if you have anything that’s troubling you, anything at all, you know you can always come to me. Alright?” ms. zhou pats ziyi on the shoulder before leaving the dining room.

Ever since he first came to the care home, as mrs. zhou calls it, ziyi never once asks whatever happened to him before. He faintly remembers his parents, and his friends, but he can’t seem to recall any other memory.

If chengcheng and linong didn’t visit him in the hospital and reintroduce themselves as his best friends, ziyi would probably not recognize them at all. And since they knew ziyi lost his memory, chengcheng and linong keeps on telling ziyi about their past. From how they get to know each other until how they end up in detention every other day.

To ziyi, they don’t seem like his memory at all. He always felt like he was listening to someone else’s story. But he never told anyone. Not a single soul knows how he really feels.

“Hey, ziyi. Are you trying to make a dough with that or something?” for the second time, ziyi only wakes from his daydream after someone calls his name.

“Oh, I just lost my appetite.” Ziyi fakes a smile before leaving the table. He dumps the content to the trash bin and washes his hands.

Ziyi then heads to his room, but stops in front of the owner’s room. Ms. zhou forgot to close her door tightly for the millionth time. Ziyi was about to close the door, but he hears a small meow from inside.

Curiosity gets the best of him. Ziyi peeks inside from the opened crack. “Ms. zhou?”

“Oh, ziyi. I must’ve left my door open again. Silly me.” Ms. zhou laughs at her carelessness.

Ziyi cranes his neck to get a better look of what’s in the woman’s arms. “Is that a stray cat you’re holding?”

“Yes. I just found it meowing outside the door this morning. Do you want to hold it?” ms. zhou offers.

Ziyi nods, approaching the house owner to pat the cat. “It’s cold.” Ziyi states.

“It was cold and hungry when I found it this morning. I guess it’s getting better a bit now.” Ms. zhou smiles.

The two keeps quiet, enjoying the silence. Ms. zhou watches as ziyi caresses the cat carefully, afraid to hurt the animal.

“Do you have something to say to me, ziyi? You were looking for me?” ms. zhou starts the conversation again.

“Oh, right.” Ziyi bits his lips. He can’t bring himself to ask the woman. “It’s nothing, really. I just wanted to know if you wanted some tea. I was going to brew some for myself.”

“That would be lovely. I’ll just wait for you right here and you can choose whatever tea you’d like.” The smile on ms. Zhou’s face doesn’t disappear.

“Great. I’ll be right back.” Ziyi places the cat back into ms. zhou’s arms before leaving the room.

10 minutes later, ziyi returns with a pot of jasmine tea and two small cups. He serves for the elder first before pouring his own.

Ms. zhou takes a sip and sighs. “I like it when you make tea. They have this lingering fragrance every time I take a sip.”

Ziyi smiles awkwardly. “Ms. zhou, I actually have something to ask you.”

“Go ahead, then. I’m listening.” The woman looks at ziyi.

Ziyi stares back for a moment before opening his mouth to speak. “Do you perhaps know what happened to my parents? Where were they buried?”

“Oh dear. I do know a little bit from the police and people do talk quite a bit. But before I tell you any of it, I want you to see something I kept safe.” Ms. zhou stands up from her seat.

Ziyi watches as the woman takes out a box from under her desk. She then hands it over to ziyi with trembling hands. Ziyi doesn’t know what to do or say, he just stares back at the woman.

“Take this. I suppose this is yours to keep from now on.” She offers the box to him once more.

Ziyi accepts it. He carefully opens the lid to find some used clothes, one seems to belong to a woman while the other to a man. As he digs deeper, he finds an old looking diary, a locket, and a used phone.

If he’s correct, these things in the box must be his late parents’. But why does the woman has them? After finding nothing more to search, he averted his gaze back to ms. zhou, asking for explanation.

“It was your mom and dad’s. The police handed them to your relatives, but they didn’t want it. I thought I’d give it to you someday, so I kept it. Today is the day, I guess.” Ms. zhou’s voice trembles as she tells ziyi about the box.

“Yeah. They didn’t even want me. Let alone a box of junks their sibling left behind.” Ziyi says, sarcastically.

Ms. zhou shakes her head. “No, dear. She wanted you. Your aunt wanted to take you in. But the police said no. she even visited me a few times to beg me to hand you over to her.

“Then why didn’t you let her raise me? At least I was with a family.” Ziyi starts to raise his voice.

Ms. zhou reaches for ziyi’s hand. “The police told me to turn her down. From what I heard she had a criminal record. It won’t be wise to leave a kid with that kind of woman.”

“And where did they burry my mom and dad? You do know about this, don’t you?” ziyi desperately asks.

“This, I do know.” Mrs. ling nods. She went over to her desk to take out a piece of crumpled picture. She shows it to ziyi. “This is where they buried your parents. Your hometown, just beside this tree in front of the house. I heard your parents never sold their old house, so your aunt buried them there.”

Ziyi stares at the picture, caressing his mom’s face. “Ms. zhou, can I have this?”

“of course. It was yours to begin with. I only kept them save for you.” Ms. zhou can’t help but sob.

“Thank you, for keeping these save. Thank you, for telling me.” Ziyi offers a sad smile.

\---

Ever since that night, wang ziyi never brings up his parents or his past again. He doesn’t dare to. And he doesn’t need to.

Everything that he wants to know was on his mother’s diary. Ziyi takes his time reading the diary his late mother wrote. Each night a page. And after he was done, he re-reads them all over again from the beginning.

From the diary, ziyi extracts a vintage looking picture. He recognizes himself on the picture. However, another boy was standing beside him. Must be the childhood friend his mom mentions a lot in the diary, cai xukun.

Knowing the fact that he once had a childhood friend who had long lost contact with him, ziyi makes up his mind to find this friend. This friend was the only person he had left from his childhood. He needs to find him, but the insufficient amount of information was in the way.

Rather than asking the house owner, ziyi thought going back to his hometown would be better. So, he plans his return. He plans to find a job in his hometown as soon as he graduates university, and to stay there for as long as he could until he finds his friend. But to achieve this dream of coming home, he must first finish his job as a student. Only then, will he be able to feel at ease to leave ms. zhou and this care home.

\---

July 2018

Early at dawn, Ziyi wakes up before his alarm clock rings. He stretches his sleep away after opening the curtains to the window. Another day awaits for him today.

Today is the day ziyi moves. He has been saving enough money for the past seven years for the move. Two long years of working part times, eating whatever was served in the care home and saving up.

Of course, he didn’t tell ms. zhou about his plan. Not until yesterday, when he finally got hired to work as a part-time life guard at his hometown. Ms. zhou couldn’t stop ziyi. So here he is, just one step behind from achieving his high school dream – to find his lost childhood friend.

After a quick shower, ziyi makes himself breakfast as he waits for the movers to come. It's his last day at the care home, might as well enjoy a nice cup of coffee and a croissant - his favourite combination for breakfast.

“You know I’d really love to fix you something nice before you leave, right? The soup is boiling and will be ready in a few. Can’t you wait until after breakfast to move?” ms. zhou pleads, as it could be her last time seeing ziyi for quite some time.

Ziyi smiles. “Thank you for the gesture, ms. zhou. I really appreciate it. But you really don’t have to, you know. The others are already jealous at your favouritism as it is, I don’t want to make it worse.”

“What’s wrong with making you my favourite? Unless you don’t like the better treatment and all.” Ms. zhou jokes.

“Of course not. I was thankful rather than hating it.” Ziyi finds himself smiling a lot today of all days.

Just in time, the movers come knocking on the door. And before he knows it, they’ve moved all his things onto the truck. The only thing left he needs to do is board the truck and he’ll be on his way to his hometown.

Ms. zhou bids ziyi goodbye, slipping an envelope she prepared beforehand into his hands. No matter how much he tries to decline, mrs. ling would probably force him to take it. Might as well have extra money than sorry, ziyi thought.

Three and a half hours later, ziyi finds himself drowned in the middle of mountains of boxes. The moving crew helped him place the boxes into the house, and all he had to do left is unpack. Ziyi feels lazy to do so and he decides to postpone it after grabbing some lunch.

On the way to the famous restaurant recommended by the internet, ziyi finds this animal shelter. Peeking inside, he finds a cute kitten staring back at him.

Ziyi enters the place. “Excuse me, I’m interested in the kitten in the far end. Would it be possible to adopt it?” he asks the attendant.

“I’m sorry, the kitten’s too weak to get adopted at the moment. You can look for some other animal if you don’t mind. A rabbit maybe?” The shop attendant offers.

ZIyi shakes his head. “That’s too bad. I was only attracted to the kitten. How long do I have to wait for it to be adoptable?”

“Probably a few days, a week at most. And my name is zhu zhengting, by the way.” Zhengting offers his hand.

“b.o.o.g.i.e wang ziyi. I’ll see you around, then.” Ziyi offers a smile before exiting the shelter.

Before leaving, he peeks at the kitten from the side window once more. Too bad he can’t adopt it. But on the contrary, he’ll have a reason to meet the cute shop attendant again.

\---

After halfway unpacking his stuff, ziyi feels he needs fresh air. He walks aimlessly towards the beach, which he finds quite crowded despite the fact that it’s almost midnight. Without realizing, his feet brings him to a bar. It’s been a while since ziyi went to these kind of place. The last time would be with his two best friends, chengcheng and linong. They were on the last day of their final tests, and chengcheng dragged them to grab some drinks.

Ziyi chuckles at the memory. He’ll definitely miss his friends, but he has a life of his own and so do they. There’s nothing he can do about it.

‘The cold bar’, is where ziyi’s feet choose to step into. The place is filled with drunkards and couples making out. Ziyi has to squeeze himself between a gay couple grinding on each other to get to the counter.

“Hi, how can I help you?” a cute looking man appears in front of ziyi, almost scaring the life out of him.

“I’ll take something light tonight. Any recommendations?” ziyi answers after calming his heart.

“Well, you’re in luck today, cutie. I just invented this new booze earlier tonight.” The bartender gives ziyi a flirty vibe, but he shrugs it off.

A minute later, he hands ziyi a glass filled with orange liquid and peppermint as garnish. Ziyi accepts it. “looks interesting. What’s it called?

“sassy bitch.” The bartender answers.

Ziyi chokes on his drink. “Excuse me?”

“The name of the drink. You asked.” The bartender gives a sly smile he successes on tricking yet another costumer. “The name’s evan lin yanjun, if you’re wondering.”

“Wang ziyi. Pleasure to meet you.” Ziyi nods once. He tries to wipe off the spilled alcohol on his jeans, but they won’t come off.

“Here, try this.” Yanjun throws a rag to ziyi, which he accepts. “Do you need help with that? I can just-”

“Thanks, but I’m good. I’ll just clean this in the restroom.” Ziyi awkwardly slips away before the situation gets any worse.

Although he was dreading to return, ziyi still needs to. He hasn’t paid for his drink. And he has to return the rag he borrowed from yanjun.

When he returns, ziyi finds a familiar face. It’s the animal shelter worker from earlier, zhu zhengting. He seems struggling with a drunk friend just beside the bar.

“Need a hand?” ziyi’s voice comes out before he could think twice.

Zhengting looks up. “Oh, you’re the costumer from earlier. Ziyi, wasn’t it?”

“That’s me.” Ziyi chuckles. He points to the slouching body beside zhengting. “So, you need help with your friend?”

“Right. Only if you don’t mind, though. I wouldn’t want to bother you.” Zhengting’s expression shows how desperate he was for the help.

Ziyi smiles genuinely. “I don’t mind. I wouldn’t offer for a hand in the first place if I do. I’ll just pay the tabs for my drink for a second.”

“It’s on the house. Think of it as my apology for hitting on you. I didn’t know you were straight and taken.” Yanjun turns down ziyi’s request for the bill when he confronts the bartender.

“Oh, I’m single actually. And I’m not straight. What makes you think otherwise?” ziyi laughs at the misunderstanding.

“I just saw you come out of the restrooms with a girl.” Yanjun shrugs. “So, are you giving me a green light to keep flirting or what?”

Ziyi rolls his eyes. “We’ll see about that. I’ll see you around, yanjun.”

Without waiting for the other’s reply, ziyi returns to zhengting’s side. He offers to carry the drunk stranger on his back. The three then set off down the beach.

“Zhu zhengting,” the boy on ziyi’s back mumbles unconsciously. Then he starts drooling on ziyi’s back.

“Sorry, he isn’t usually like this. If you’re uncomfortable, I can carry him instead.” Zhengting bites his lips anxiously, watching xukun’s misbehaviour.

“No, it’s fine. I can handle him.” Ziyi fixes his posture to feel more comfortable. “I never knew you had such a good-looking boyfriend.” He adds.

“Oh, no. he’s not my boyfriend. I’d really love to, though. But it’s really nothing like that.” zhengting speaks continuously, feeling flustered. “I’m sorry, I just talked too much, didn’t I?”

Ziyi smiles. “Nah. I’d like to listen to your rambles. It’s cute.” He laughs a little to ease the awkwardness.

As ziyi doesn’t know where to bring them, he stops in front of the animal shelter. The one where he met zhengting for the first time a couple of hours ago. He wonders why zhengting doesn’t stop him when they head to the shelter. He could’ve taken them to their places. But that would seem rude, right?

Ziyi stops abrubtly in front of the unlit building. “I didn’t know where to drop you off at, so I hope here will do?”

Zhengting nods his head. “It’s fine, thanks. why don’t you come inside and I’ll fetch you something to drink?” he then starts to rummage through his pocket to look for the keys to the door.

Ziyi notices how strange zhengting’s behaviour was and decides to ask. “Couldn’t find the key?”

“No. I mean, yes. But don’t worry, I have a solution.” Zhengting reaches under one of the flower pots. He then retrieves a key. “See, there we go. Always keep a spare, just in case.” He sings, opening the door for them.

“whatever you say.” Ziyi laughs before following zhengting inside.

“Let’s put xukun to bed first. Your back must’ve hurt from all that struggle.” Zhengting then leads them into the inner part of the shelter.

He opens a door, which ziyi recognize as the staff room. The room consists of a bed, and ziyi instinctively put the weight on his back down on the bed. Zhengting tucks xukun in bed, fixing the blankets to cover the boy. Ziyi could only watch and wish someone would do the same for him some day.

Zhengting disappears for a moment and he returns with two cans of lime flavoured sodas. He hands one to ziyi. “I hope you don’t mind. We only had these left in the fridge. I should go shopping sometime soon.”

“I’m good.” Ziyi opens the can, but doesn’t take a sip yet.

“So, how long have you been here, ziyi?” Zhenting starts the conversation.

“About 12 hours or so.” Ziyi shrugs, taking a sip from his drink.

“Wait, you just moved here? That’s really cool. You should go out and look around sometimes, it’s really nice around here.” Zhengting smiles as he rambles.

“Yeah. Maybe you can show me around.” Ziyi suggests. Zhengting stares at the man in front of him intently, afraid if he misinterpreted his word. “I mean, you can bring your friend with you.” Ziyi then adds, pointing to the sleeping xukun.

Zhengting laughs, “you were hitting on me to get him, aren’t you?”

“To be really honest with you, yes.” Ziyi smiles shyly. He doesn’t know why he is attracted to the boy sleeping on the bed.

“Get in line, bro. I bet you’ll be the 200th choice.” Zhengting jokes.

Ziyi plays along. “Awe, that’s kind of disappointing. How about you?”

“Me? I’m definitely not his first choice, if you’re asking.” Zhengting still has a genuine smile plastered on his face.

“I mean, your list. How many are there for you to choose from?” ziyi asks.

“Just one.” Zhengting replies softly, turning to xukun who is sleeping soundly.

“You can add one more on that.” ziyi spoke ever so delicately.

Zhengting’s lips parted. His eyes trembled. He doesn’t know what to say. Ziyi takes the cue to offer a smile. “That was a joke. I know you only had eyes on the pretty man.”

Zhengting nods his head. A feeling of relief washes over his face. “You should get going. It’s kind of late.”

“Alright. You don’t have to hint me for wanting some alone time with your lover. I’ll see you around, ting.” Ziyi bids a vague goodbye before leaving the place.

The night wind blows on his face softly as soon as he steps out from the animal shelter. He has a bitter smile on his face. He wished things didn’t end like it did with chengcheng. He’d probably have someone to hold if he weren’t that stupid to break it off with his boyfriend. But that’s how life is. It never goes the way we want.

Walking on the beach, ziyi felt calmer. He takes off his shoes, tossing it randomly, and walks down to the sea. He likes the feeling of the cold water on his feet. He feels numb, yet it’s still refreshing.

“Your feet will freeze if you keep that going.” A voice comes from behind ziyi.

Ziyi turns around to find a boy not much younger than him. The boy has a headband and an apron with the words “Old Jin’s Hot Pot” on the front.

“Nice apron there.” Ziyi comments before focusing back on his feet.

The boy groans. “Shit. I forgot about it again. Old Jin will kill me one of these days.” He then takes the apron off.

Ziyi smirks listening to the boy ramble about his problem. “Do you have any cigarettes on you?” He starts.

The boy shakes his head. “Nope. Smoking is prohibited in the diner. But I do have a couple of beer, if you don’t mind.” He points at the empty space behind them.

Ziyi takes the offer. “But aren’t you a bit too young to be drinking?” ziyi asks as he takes a seat.

“As long as I don’t get caught.” The boy shrugs. He then offers a hand. “My name is justin, by the way. Justin huang.”

“Nice to meet you, justin. I’m wang ziyi.” Ziyi takes his extended hand.

The two sits in silence for a while, enjoying the night breeze. Justin was unexpectedly a good drinker. Ziyi was impressed he could hold his liquor for a kid his age.

“Do your parents know about this?” ziyi turns to justin who is sitting beside him.

Justin shakes his head. “I have no parents. I live with my uncle. The owner of the diner.” He points at the direction of the said diner.

“I’m so sorry. What happened?” ziyi felt bad to start this kind of conversation, but at the same time he wants to talk about it too.

“My dad died on a plane accident when I was one. And my mom got murdered just two summers ago. She was a witness for a drug case, you see. But I don’t really mind it that much. I still have my uncle.” Justin smiles.

“You’re way too cheerful for someone who went through all that.” ziyi comments. “My parents died too, a few years back. We were in a car accident, but I survived.”

“I’m sorry for you too, man. But let’s not cry over what’s in the past.” Justin stands up and offers a hand to ziyi.

Ziyi eyes him strangely. “Where are you taking me?” ziyi asks as justin pulls him up.

“To the diner, of course. We have some foods and drinks. Maybe we can also talk about some other stuff.” Justin leads the way.

They arrive at a nearby diner. The place is almost empty. Just a couple of drunk customers left on a table by the far end. Ziyi follows the younger to a table near the cashier. Justin told him to take a seat while he get them some drinks.

As the boy left, ziyi looks around the place. Oddly, the diner seems familiar to him. Or is it? Must be déjà vu.

“I hope you don’t mind with these dumplings. We ran out of hot pot sauce for the day.” Justin returns with a plate of fried dumplings and two bottles of cola.

“It’s no big deal. I can eat anything.” Ziyi offers a asmile.

“Aren’t you the least bit suspicious of me? We just met like half an hour ago, and you’re all ready to devour any food I give you. What if I put some drugs in it?” justin jokes as he sits opposite of ziyi.

Ziyi pokes a dumpling with his chopsticks. “First of all, no criminal would be as clumsy as you. And second, there’s witness over there.” He points to a direction behind justin.

Justin turns around to find himself face to face with death himself. Justin sheepishly smiles to the man in front of him. “Hi uncle. I didn’t know you’ll be back this early today.”

“Justin huang. I ought to bury you alive someday. I guess today’s the day.” Old jin pats justin on the shoulder twice.

Justin shudders. “Awe, come on, old jin. I brought company today. See?” justin tries to advert the man’s attention.

“Hello there. I’m old jin, the owner of this diner. And the uncle of this brat. You are?” old jin waits for ziyi to introduce himself.

“Wang ziyi.” He replies.

“Okay. The food is in the house, ziyi. Have some more.” Old jin offers a smile to the guest. He then turns to justin. “That means, no allowance for you this week.”

“Awe, man. Uncle jin you can’t do that to me. I’ll report you for slavery.” Justin groans.

“Uh huh. And I’ll report you for trespassing and theft.” Old jin smirks.

“I hate you, uncle jin. I mean it this time.” Justin sulks.

Old jin laughs. “Yeah, right. Just like the other million times you said that you hated me and begged for me to let you play outside the next day.”

Justin was about to reply, but ziyi beats him to it. “I’ll pay, okay. Why are you two fighting in front of these poor dumplings.”

Justin and old jin exchange glances. “Is he drunk?” Old jin asks his nephew.

“I guess. I’ll just bring him to my room later.” Justin suggests.

Old jin bobs his head. “I mean it, though. No allowance for you, if you keep skipping your shift and stealing food from the kitchen.”

Ziyi suddenly stands up. “I’m going home. Thank you for the meal. Nice meeting you two.” He empties his wallet and puts the money on the table.

“Uh, ziyi, are you sure you’re going to be okay? Can you find your way back home?” justin stands up too.

Ziyi shakes hides head. “I’ll figure it out.” He adds.

“Just stay for the night. Come on, let’s go to my room.” Justin puts ziyi’s arm around him and held his sides for support.

“You better clean the mess up later.” Old jin calls after justin as he disappears behind the door that leads to the house.

\---

Ziyi jolts awake as he feels someone’s breath on his neck. He looks around to find himself in a room he isn’t familiar with. And there’s this boy clinging on him. Did he do something last night? He makes sure he’s fully clothed and heaves a sigh of relief. He didn’t sleep with the boy.

Justin wakes up with all the movements ziyi made. “oh, hi there.” Justin greets him.

Ziyi frowns. “How did we end up here, again? I remember talking to you at the beach. Then we went to this restaurant. And I got drunk, didn’t I?”

“Yep. That’s why I brought you here. Welcome to my room. Make yourself comfortable.” Justin sits up, his hair a mess.

Ziyi watches the boy scratch his neck as he gets up. Justin opens his wardrobe to grab a shirt and heads out of the room. Ziyi doesn’t know why his eyes keeps following the slender figure as he moves around the room.

Justin returns ten minutes later. His hair is wet from showering. “are you going to keep sitting there, or come down for breakfast?”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m coming.” Ziyi slides off the bed.

“There’s some new towels and toothbrush at the bathroom. And you can choose any clothing you want from my wardrobe.” Justin says before disappearing behind the door.

After finishing his morning ritual, ziyi went down for breakfast. Old jin is cooking some porridge as he approaches the table. Justin smiles at ziyi with his mouth full of egg rolls.

“Good morning.” Old jin greets ziyi with a smile and a bowl of steaming homemade porridge.

“Morning.” Ziyi replies awkwardly. He accepts the bowl and starts digging in.

“I heard you kissed my justin last night.” Old jin speaks up after fixing his own share of porridge.

Ziyi chokes on his food. “I’m sorry. What?”

“Old jin!” justin hisses. “Don’t start, please.”

But old jin ignores his nephew’s glares and repeats his words. Ziyi turns to justin to make sure if that’s what really happened. However, justin looks away, definitely embarassed with the situation.

“Sorry. My mistake. I can’t even remember anything from last night. I shouldn’t have drunk anymore beers.” Ziyi apologises to justin more than to his uncle.

“No worries. It was partly my fault for asking if you’re gay.” Justin clears his throat to ease the awkwardness.

Ziyi chokes for the second time. “You asked me if I was gay?”

Justin nods. “Well yeah. I asked, so you kissed me. And my uncle here happens to be standing outside the door and watched it all happen.”

“Oh. That’s-” ziyi can’t find the words to finish his sentence.

“Never mind the kiss. It was nothing.” Justin assures ziyi.

“It definitely wasn’t nothing to me.” Old jin shakes his head. “You kiss him, you take responsibility.”

“Sure.” Ziyi replies without thinking twice.

Justin’s eyes widen. “No. No. No. It’s nothing like that. You don’t have to do anything at all. It was a mistake, okay. An accident.”

Ziyi turns to justin, putting his chopsticks down. “Don’t feel burdened, it’s fine. I can take you out if you want to. I’ll just give you my number and address.”

Old jin takes the cue to hand ziyi a piece of paper and a pen. Ziyi writes his phone number and address on it before handing them to justin. “Contact me anytime you feel like it.” He smiles.

Justin hesitates to take the piece if paper. But he accepts it in the end. Ziyi then thanks for the meal and for the night’s stay. Not too long after, he sets foot outside the place.

Ziyi shakes his head. He must be out of his mind. He was just thinking of chengcheng last night. He misses his ex. But that doesn’t mean he can hit on an innocent boy. He wasn’t even twenty for goodness sake!

\---

Not wanting to go home, ziyi walks around randomly. He finds himself in front of the animal shelter he found yesterday. With a little hesitation, ziyi enters the place, ringing the bell in the process.

Inside is zhengting and the man from last night who ziyi recognize as xukun. Ziyi throws a smile to the two as they gives him attention.

“Hi. I’m just wondering about the kitten.” He trails off.

Zhengting responds to him first. “I’m sorry but I said a few days, didn’t I? It’s not even 24 hours since you last stepped foot in this place.” Zhengting shakes his head.

“Oh well. I guess I’ll be back another day for this matter. For today,” Ziyi’s eyes focuses on xukun.

Zhengting smiles faintly. “Right. Kun, this is ziyi, the person who brought you back last night.”

Xukun bobs his head, but looks away. Ziyi frowns at the cold treatment. “Hey, you okay, man?” he takes a step forward.

“I’m sorry.” Xukun stumbles to back away. Unconsciously, ziyi reaches for the other. However, zhengting reached for xukun first. Ziyi awkwardly brushes his hand on his jeans.

“Kun, why don’t you take a rest, baobei?” zhengting whispers towards xukun. The latter nods.

“Wait.” Ziyi suddenly calls. The two stops at their tracks.

Xukun didn’t show any reactions. Zhengting answers for him instead. “Not now, ziyi. xukun needs rest.”

“I just need a minute.” Ziyi reaches for his wallet in his back pocket, checking the photo he pasted on the front. “Is this you? It’s you, isn’t it?” Ziyi shoves the photo in front of xukun.

This time, xukun raises his head. He stares intently at ziyi, his eyes is filled with tears. Os so, ziyi thinks. Xukun contemplates for a while before opening his mouth.

Xukun takes a deep breath before starting. “Now do you remember? More than 8 years of nothing, and here you are standing in front of me looking better than ever! I can’t believe you! Since when did you become so brazen, huh?”

Ziyi was flustered at his reaction. “I-I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, kun. I didn’t mean to- please let me explain.” Ziyi begs.

Xukun shakes his head. “Enough is enough. You don’t get to break my heart and return with an apology 8 years later. It’s no use. Get over it.” Xukun walks away.

Ziyi catches xukun by the arm. “Kun, listen to me. Please?”

Xukun pulls his arm away and enters the door at the back. Ziyi really wants to follow him. He really wants to tell xukun that he was in an accident, that he lost his memories. That he was also looking for xukun the second he knows about the younger. But zhengting stops him this time, shaking his head.

“Not today, please. Give him some space.” Zhengting pats ziyi’s shoulder before following xukun through the door.

Ziyi approaches the door. No matter how much he wants to get rid of the barrier between them, ziyi restrains himself. Instead, he leans his back on the door. Just the thought of being in the same room with xukun, yet too far to touch him drived ziyi insane.

Zhengting exits the room soon after. He shakes his head, signalling that it’s a bad idea to enter the room.

Ziyi sighs. He knocks on the door twice. “Kun, I’ll just leave you today. I’d love to talk to you though. My number is with zhengting. Contact me, okay? I’ll be waiting.” Ziyi wants to say something else, that he misses xukun, but he changes his mind.

Ziyi offers zhengting a bitter smile as he passes the latter. Zhengting returns the smile with a hug. Ziyi hugs back before pulling away. He then gets out from the animal shelter.

\---

Justin calls ziyi no longer than a week later. Justin wants them to meet. 4 p.m. at the café near old jin’s hotpot. Ziyi doesn’t think twice to agree.

On the promised day, ziyi heads to the said café. The waiter, a man in his late twenties, welcomes him with a full smile. Ziyi stares at him for a second too long. What’s with this wang guy? He smiles as if nothing in the world could ruin his day.

“Welcome to papillon café, anything I can get you for today?” the waiter offers the menu.

Ziyi takes it. After scanning the menu, he settles on strawberry milkshake. The waiter takes his order, still smiling. Ziyi gives him a weird look.

Justin appears just before ziyi could question more on the waiter’s hack to leading a hapy life. Ziyi doesn’t have to call for the younger, since they’re the only people in the room, except, of course, the waiter.

“I’ll take a matca latte, please.” Justin tells the waiter before he could ask.

Ziyi waits a few second before starting the conversation. “So, have you thought about it?”

“Yes. A lot actually.” Justin admits. He then adds. “I think I want to try it out, ge.”

“Try what out?” ziyi asks. He doesn’t quite follow justin’s way of thinking.

“Dating. I want to try and date you. I want you to be my first boyfriend.” Justin explains.

Ziyi thought he will be able to keep his cool when he hears justin’s answer. Yet, he’s still flustered. “Actually, I changed my mind. Can you give me a couple of days to think it over?”

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. Wait- are you? Going somewhere, I mean.” Justin just realizes the meaning behind ziyi’s words.

Ziyi shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere. But someone just came into my life again, and I wanted to make sure before I date you.”

“Oh. So, there was someone else. I should’ve known. A person like you wouldn’t take me seriously. I’m just a kid in your eyes, aren’t I? “ Justin complains.

Before ziyi can reply, he gets a message from cai xukun. He’s asking to meet up at his place for a minute before he left. Ziyi hurriedly replies saying he’ll be over in ten minutes.

“Justin, I’m really sorry, but I have to go. I’ll call you later, okay.” Ziyi was about to stand up, but justin’s reply makes him stay a while longer.

“It’s him, isn’t it? The love of your life. The only person you want to be with.” Justin fiddles with his fingers as he speaks.

“Oh no, baobei. It’s not like that. I really like you. But I just want to resolve things on my side first, okay.” Ziyi reaches for justin’s hand and gives it a light squeeze.

“I’ll wait.” Justin finally says. “No matter how long, I can wait. Just make sure you come back, yeah?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back.” Ziyi confirms. He lets go of Justin’s hands and runs to find xukun.

As he exits the place, he hears the waiter shouting. “But your milkshake, hey!”

Ziyi ignores him. He runs as fast as his legs could take him to xukun’s place. Xukun is waiting outside as ziyi arrives a minute late from the promised time. Ziyi takes his time catching his breath before presenting himself in front of xukun.

“You’re made it.” Xukun comments the second he sees ziyi.

Ziyi nods. “Of course. I’ll do whatever it takes to meet you one more time.” Ziyi takes a step closer to xukun.

This time he doesn’t back away like last time. Xukun stands hid ground. “One last time.” He repeats.

“Are you here to listen to me today?” Ziyi asks.

“Yes. I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. And then I’ll make the call whether or not you are forgiven.” Xukun signals for ziyi to start.

So, ziyi tells the story from the beginning. The car accident, his parents’ death, his memory lost, everything. Including the fact that he wanted to find xukun. But the circumstances back then forbids him to do so. And now here he is, standing face to face with the person he wants to meet the most.

Xukun is quiet throughout the whole story. He nods occasionally. Sometimes humming to indicate that he’s listening. When ziyi is done, he stares at xukun. The latter’s expression is unreadable. For the first time, ziyi feels fearful.

“I get where you’re getting at.” Xukun finally speaks. “It was unfortunate for you. I’m really sorry, I didn’t kow.”

“It’s fine. I had a couple of friends back home.” Ziyi shrugs.

“Home.” Xukun repeats. “That’s right. This place isn’t your home anymore, isn’t it?” xukun smiles bitterly.

Ziyi furiously shakes his hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. it’s just- I’m used to say the city my home.”

“I’m only joking.” Xukun laughs. The laugh ziyi misses so much. “This place is no longer my home too from today on.”

“What do you mean? Are you leaving?” ziyi stops whatever he was about to do.

Xukun bobs his head. “Yeah. I got a job offer. Pays me better than working at the shelter here.”

couldn’t believe his luck. Just as he thought things will be better, fate decides to play games with him again. It hasn’t been two weeks since he found his long lost friend, and now they will be apart again. Only God knows how long it will take for them to meet again after today.

“But we just met. Isn’t too much to leave so soon? We didn’t even have time to catch up.” Ziyi frowns.

“We can do that next time. Just not today.” Xukun shrugs.

“Does this mean you’re forgiving me?” a smile grows on ziyi’s face.

“Forgiven since the second I sent the message.” Xukun jokes.

“Okay, you win this time. But I won’t let you off so easily next time. Mark my words, cai xukun” Ziyi warns the younger.

Xukun nods. “will do. But I’m curious, what are you going to do now, ge?”

“Return to this boy I met last night.” Ziyi shrugs, still not sure about his choice.

“Still as secretive as ever, I see. I won’t pick on it this time. I hope you’ll be happy now, ge. I mean it.” Xukun pats ziyi’s shoulder.

“You too, kun. I wish you’ll give zhengting a chance. You know you don’t always have to leave everything behind. Sometimes holding on could be the answer.” Ziyi replies.

“Yeah. But I’m done holding onto this one, ge.” Xukun takes out a folded paper heart from his pocket. He puts it on ziyi’s hands.

‘ _I wish ziyi ge would like me back.’_

The yellowed paper heart rests on ziyi’s hand for a minute. None of them says anything. Ziyi raises his head to find xukun’s eyes. He’s asking the meaning behind xukun’s actions.

“I took it from the tree as soon as you left that summer. I used to put it under by pillow. I thought It’ll come true if I kept it close. Silly me.” Xukun awkwardly chuckles.

Ziyi suddenly pulls xukun into a hug. “I’m sorry, kun. I hurt you so many times, and you still forgive me nevertheless.”

“I’ll always forgive you ge. Although I can’t have you, at least let me your friend?” xukun hides his face in ziyi’s neck.

“Oh, you’re more than that cai xukun. You were my everything back then.” Ziyi hugs the younger closer to him. “We could’ve been something if I didn’t move. But I guess it’s just a game with time. We lost our timing.” He adds.

“We’re probably just not fated to be together, ge.” Xukun laughs.

The two breaks apart. “Now go and find your future, kun. I know he’s the one.” Ziyi urges his younger brother.

“You think so?” xukun bites his lips, waiting for ziyi to give his consent.

Ziyi smiles. Without another word, xukun runs off. Probably to find zhengting before he changes his mind.

Ziyi takes his time admiring the paper heart in his hand. After feeling content, he pockets the piece of paper.

Left alone in front of the house, ziyi casually left the place he wants to step foot in but would probably never get the chance to. He then remembers about his promise with justin. Xukun has left to chase after zhengting. It should be time for ziyi to move on too. Admitting to a new relationship wouldn’t hurt.

Ziyi calls justin as he finds his way back to the café. But before the other line could answer the call, ziyi turns it off. A pair of familiar blue shoes appears in front of him ever so suddenly. Ziyi thought his life will get easier now after letting his past go. However, the worst case scenarios always happens to him at the worst timings.


End file.
